Hello Friends - I have been thinking from quite a while to write something on Arranged marriages, however, not much serious about it till my to-be-sister-in-law gave me a 'Mauka'.
I am not a regular writer so please pardon my English or writing sense - Have tried to give more importance to the Subject!! 😜
This article is to throw some light on the expectations that are built by Boys, Girls (and their parents too) while searching for a Life partner.
People say marriages are 'Made in Heaven'. True - but in case of Arranged marriages (no experience on Love marriages), they have to pass through a 'Hell of Dates' or some 'Hilarious Dates' in finding the 'Right' partner for them.
You being in your late 20s - your proactively helpful well-wishers are most concerned about your marriage.. more than your Parents and close relatives! They start connecting you to 7-8th level of relations in the family (i am able to understand only 2 levels, with much concentration!). Here starts the journey of 'Hell of Dates'.
Boy and his Parents look for a Girl with expectations like:
1. Should know to Cook
2. should be ready to Quit her job post marriage
3. should be Well-Educated
4. should be Fair, Slim, No scars on face, blah blah blah
Girl and her parents look for a Boy with expectations like:
1. should have his own House
2. should have been working in MNC or Family Business
3. should be more Educated than the Girl
4. should be Handsome, No scars on face, etc
Above expectations differ from family to family though. Girl's family should think whether a son in their family suffices any of their expectations. Same applies to Boy's family.
Further, sharing few 'Dates' (some of them mine 😉):
Mail conversation before even Meeting once
Boy: As per your conversation with my Mom, I have attached my Biodata in this mail
Girl's Father: Few details are missing in your biodata - How many members are living in your present flat? Do you have any plans to move to a Larger flat? Please mention your Annual earnings, Employments. is your Dad retired / into Business, etc ?
Boy: Living with my Parents in 1 BHK, Planning to move to 2 BHK soon. Annual earnings are Rs. XX. Dad is into Business.
Girl's Father: My Daughter is brought up in 3 BHK. Her earnings are double than yours. How can we proceed?
Boy: Great Sir. All the best. Wish you good luck in finding the right life partner for your daughter that matches her earnings and employments.
Lesson - Agreed that Girl's family is concerned about the place where their daughter will be living post marriage, but be Logical - Are you looking for a Flat or a Living being as a life partner for your daughter OR are you going to make a business deal in exchange of your daughter!?
English speaking Life partner - Boy and Girl meet
Boy (in mother tongue): How's everything going?
Girl (looking at her mobile replies in English, pauses intermittently): Well, its going good. I have been busy with my clients this month. Pause. Can you give me your details like where do you work, what is your designation, where do you see yourself in next 5 years?
Boy (didn't answer till the Girl moved her eyes from mobile to the Boy.. responding in mother tongue): I work at ABC company as an Assistant manager. In next 5 years, I see myself living happily with my Life partner and Parents.
..and it goes on and on with Girl talking in English and Boy responding in his mother tongue.
Lesson - English speaking person doesn't mean He/She is Educated / Smart / Intelligent. Few cricketers don't know to speak in English, yet they are capable of winning a World cup for their Nation. Look for a Life partner who can talk and understand your mother tongue since your Parents are comfortable talking with you in your mother tongue.
Dust bins - Boy and Girl meet
Girl: How are you?
Boy: Good. How have you been?
Girl: I am fine. How many of you stay together?
Boy: Me, my Brother and my Parents
Girl: any Dust bins in house?
Boy (little puzzled): yes, in the kitchen
Girl: I meant any Grandparents!!?
No further comments..
Lesson - Are you expecting your future to be a 'Dust bin'!!. Look for a Life partner who respects elders.
Salary verification - Boy's and Girl's Family meet
Boy and girl talking in a separate room - Here, 5 mins into the conversation, Girl asks Boy about his Salary
Girl's and boy's family talking in a different room - How much does your son earn monthly?
Lesson - It is fine asking Boy's salary to understand if boy will be able to meet his family's basic needs post marriage, however, Intentions should be clear - Are you checking if the boy is earning more than the girl? in that sense, should boy's family ask about girl's monthly expenses!?
Job Company comparison - Boy's and Girl's Family meet
Girl's Father: Where do you work?
Boy: ABC company
Girl's Father: Haven't heard of this company before. you have worked earlier with XYZ company which is MNC, so is your current company a MNC and bigger than XYZ company?
Lesson - One's progress should be measured in the comfort and happiness He/She has been giving to their family and not by comparing current and previous companies.
To Summarize - Look for a Life partner who can keep You or in case of Parents - your Son / Daughter Happy. Baaki Gaadi, Bungalow, Paisa, Family Business toh Ra-Ga ke paas bhi hai.. I am sure you understood what i meant!! 😄😉
Hope you enjoyed reading the Blog.
Thanks to JBPNS, to-be-sis-in-law (Pooja), to-be-wife (Khyati) for motivating me in writing this Blog!! Kudos to all of us!!
Feedback / Suggestions are Welcome.
